Can't do it anymore
asked by someone ·
46 replies
- someone who replied
Glad you reached out. What’s going on?
- the person who asked
A ton, I just looked back, 2023 was full, horrible and I went through it as if it was something normal
- someone who replied, again
Well, that would speak to an incredible level of strength and fortitude on your part
- the person who asked
Nah, just cowardness
- someone who replied, again
Would you be interested in elaborating? Maybe it would help get something off your chest
- the person who asked
Cowardness because I was not brave enough to blow my brains out
- someone who replied, again
Hum, not where I thought you were going. lol. But that’s ok. I’m glad you said whats truly on your mind. That takes guts. I didn’t tell anyone I was feeling suicidal. I could bring myself to say it until it was almost too late. I’m glad you are taking the courageous step to share that with me today. There is nothing cowardly about that, it’s a sign of strength. Might I ask what’s going on in your life such that suicide seems like an option?
- someone who replied, again
Couldnt* bring myself
- the person who asked
I say it everyday, it's a catchphrase by now. I wanna share but maybe tomorrow, rn I wanna sleep but I'm feeling uneasy, as if I'm watching a very scart horror movie and the tension is building up so I wanna scream, I'm not watching that thoug but good night
- someone who replied, again
Thanks for sharing what you are going through. And that’s a really visceral description. You strike me as an intelligent person which a lot of inputs at their disposal. Perhaps that’s contributing to your feeling right now too, an accumulation of incoming stimulation or info. Sure. Let’s chat tmrw. Also if it helps insight timer is a great meditation app to do guided relaxation exercises
- the person who asked
Thanks, yah. I get "overstimulated" often and I overthink a lot
- someone who replied, again
Do you feel like you have the skills to talk to someone or call yourself down when those moment occur or do they last a lot longer than you would hope?
- the person who asked
Idk, I just wait until they go away
- someone who replied, again
Do you have any or wish to have any level of control over your thoughts feelings and actions when these dark thoughts start happening?
- the person who asked
I mean, I feel like I control it if I actively do something but I often just let it be
- someone who replied, again
Hum. How often does this happen to you?
- the person who asked
Everyday to a different scale
- someone who replied, again
Wow. Thats got to be hard. I am sorry it’s gotten to that point. I can understand not seeing how you can go any further. Do you have a desire to change that? If so, what have you done or what are you doing?
- the person who asked
Therapy for a year and a half, trying to get friends and relationships in general but it all fails. I just feel so frustrated, powerless.
- someone who replied, again
Glad to hear you are taking steps. Do you have a good relationship with your therapist? Is it helping? And I realize sometimes getting out of a hole is hard. There is no way around it. But you are capable of having a life that you love and is worth living. What you put your mind to will happen. It just so happens you’ve spent x amount of time thinking ‘my life and i suck’ so unraveling that is hard when it’s strongly ingrained.
- the person who asked
Idk, sometimes it helps, some things actually got better but it's not enough ig. And my relationship with my therapist is confusing, sometimes I feel like I'm only annoying her
- someone who replied, again
Don’t hesitate to shop therapists if it’s not working out. They are professionals and fit/match matters. It’s never gonna be enough though. It’s never gonna switch and suddenly you feel better. The catalyst for that occurring is you deciding now, my progress has been good enough. I want more, and I’m ok with the progress I’ve made, I’m ok with me and the things I’ve done. And if you cannot say that there is work to do. But sounds like you’ve
- someone who replied, again
Made that progress. So I think accepting yourself and your progress is big and it doesn’t mean you stop or slow down, but you allow yourself to taste the fruit of your efforts so that you want more. You gotta start reaping the benefits no matter how small or you won’t ever see it getting better ir a way out because it will all be the same. Even if you have all the things you want. Those things don’t give you the peace, you do
- the person who asked
Idk, I've fixed some things and I value that but my life just can't get better. I want a girlfriend, never had one, I want friends, never had one, I want to be normal, never been, I want to feel like a man, I always feel like a kid. I hate where I live, how I live and my work, I think I'd be happy if I had my oh farm and lived there but oh surprise, I'm broke
- someone who replied, again
How long have you been trying to accomplish these things? And how much have you been actively doing things like looking for jobs in new cities, approaching girls, going to events with ppl who have shared interests? Like are you killing it in that department doing everything you can?
- the person who asked
Well, yes, I am doing everything I can but I'm far from killing it, I've been trying my whole life, I'm 22, It's so bad I've come to believe I might have autism or something
- someone who replied, again
Dude 22?! There was a real chance you were gonna say 40. And that’s a different ballgame. Right now you a feeling the pressure of a life that maybe isn’t really panning out like you thought. And you are getting tons of feedback inside that this ain’t it for you. It’s a good thing. Especially this early. Maybe you can wake up now instead of having this realization when you r 40. Stay focused on accomplishing those things you said before. Use the
- someone who replied, again
Pain and confusion as signs to focus on those things, as motivation to keep pursuing, dig deeper. Experiment more. Get over yourself and Make a fool of yourself. Life and ppl forget. Get out there and keep driving action towards your goals. Experiment: act, analyze, plan, repeat over and over
- the person who asked
Like, I really can't, it's not that I feel ashamed to do it, I just don't know how. The best way I can put it is like asking me to fly a plane, I can't, I just don't know how, I don't know where to start or how to do it, how to keep it going. I have tried before and I just get stuck at some point, like I get to talk to people and interact but I can't make friends, I can't go beyond that
- someone who replied, again
It’s a skill, just like flying a plane, it can be learned. There is nothing inherently wrong with you that prevents you from finding friends and building relationships with ppl romantically or platonically. Maybe you just need some flight school. And the greatest source of information known to man happens to be at your fingertips. You can do this.
- the person who asked
Huhh, if you mean the internet, I tried so many videos and books and just advice from strangers, nothing can make me go beyond, it's like there's a barrier, maybe I'm just afraid of crossing it, idk
- someone who replied, again
Yes. That is it. How come you are afraid of crossing the barrier?
- the person who asked
Idk, that's what comes to mind. I just feel comfortable being by myself but I'd like to love and care for people and also being loved and cared for but I just don't know how I could have that by being my myself. Idk how to explain it, like I wanna keep my space knowing I could have company if I wanted to if that makes sense
- the person who asked
I just don't "vibe" with people and I don't wanna force them to change but I refuse to "put up" with the many differences I see
- someone who replied, again
Ok. Those are a lot of reasons why it’s not gonna work, what’s unique about you that makes it hard. Forgive me for being curt, but, so what? Like if that’s your view you are gonna stand by, that’s not a recipe for the often messy act of stumbling through a relationship and building a rapport with someone. Which is ok. If you wanna keep that perspective forever, that’s ok. But it sounds like it pains you. And you want to change it. Is that true?
- the person who asked
It does, I just feel uncompatible, I'd like to find someone like me but I never have, of course I haven't met every person on earth but I have met a lot by now, no one similar to me
- the person who asked
I guess to some extent all kinds of human relationships imply submission and I belive I have issues with that? Idk if that makes much sense
- someone who replied, again
Some. Submissions, idk about that. Give and take, yes. You r gonna have to accept that sometimes you don’t get what you want. Nobody is perfect. Even you. Do you want to be connected to someone who’s just gonna exit the relationship the second you do something off-putting to them? Or do you want them to be able to roll with it and still see the good you have to offer despite that transgression?
- the person who asked
I want the latter but I don't want ti be a burden, I don't want them to possibly stop doing what they like for me. I don't wanna be their dog either. Some people are tiresome to me. I want someone I can truly feel comfortable around but I've never found anyone like that. As I type this I get a feeling there are some words stuck in my chest, as if I have something left to say, ik it's related to this but I have no idea what it coule be
- someone who replied, again
Try me! Try putting words to what’s hard to say
- the person who asked
I don't wanna be used by people I think? I want no one to control me anymore
- someone who replied, again
I can see how that would be something you’d want to avoid. And do you feel like you are aware enough to know when someone is doing that to you nefariously?
- the person who asked
I'm not, my dad does that all the time and only recently I started to notice. Also, I feel like I get it mixed up, someone might be completely nice and I feel manipulated and someone might be manipulative but I feel like they're genuine, I'm just clueless
- someone who replied, again
OK, that’s super good progress. Sounds like you need to build the skills around exploring your perceptions and making sure they align with reality and the other persons experience. Sounds like you can improve on communication. This is a skill you can build to get better at relationships and you can acknowledge that maybe you are hyper aware because of your father’s actions. Look up transference Hoffman method online.
- the person who asked
Alright
- someone who replied
You can do it
