Sometimes I don't feel like I belong. I'm not religious but I still respect others if they have one. I'm not political but I still keep up with the news. I don't know how to enjoy myself or do stuff for myself I've been the caretaker for everyone, it feels like I'm doing something wrong if I do it for me. I was raised at home with very little friends. I don't want to be alone.
asked by someone ·
14 replies
- someone who replied
I don’t want you to be alone either! Did you take on responsibility for other people’s emotions growing up? Like you were the mediator so you’re always doing stuff for everybody else? And now it feels selfish to do something for yourself probably because you were around somebody who was maybe a narcissistic or controlling?
- the person who asked
You could probably catch me always saying sorry to someone for anything. Always thinking I did something wrong even when there wasn't something to be wrong about. Finding my voice is hard especially when others think they know better than you. Always correcting you. Sometimes I feel like my spouse does that. Maybe because of the way I grew up. You tend to gravitate towards it unintentionally.
- someone who replied, again
Don’t we?! Strange how we seek out what hurts us most. Often because we are familiar with it so we gravitate towards us, it’s also our dragon to slay to break the generational curse of it happening to the next in line. But sometimes don’t you wish it were not so hard 😅. What’s stopping you from speaking up, creating some boundaries, making some requests, of yourself, spouse, work family whoever..?
- the person who asked
I have always helped people but I've poured so much of myself into the wrong people who don't return the favor and I'm not asking for a favor. I want them to have the same respect and loyalty is what I want I guess. When I do stuff for myself it does feel foreign or that Im wasting money that could be used on oh we need a new tire or diapers.
- someone who replied, again
Yes. That’s hard to do and because you struggle with it I know fundamentally you are a good person. And your life is all you have. Sure others matter but your life’s experience makes up the fabric of your life. You have to do things to keep that fabric with touching and weaving together. Maybe it spending a little more on yourself, it doesn’t make you a bad person to put yourself first sometimes. It’s important that you do it sometimes so you
- someone who replied, again
Can continue being the best for others
- the person who asked
It's hard to speak up when you fear being the problem so instead of speaking up you shut down to protect yourself from having the same cycle happen. It's hard breaking generational curse. I'm a sahm so everything is my job at the moment and he makes the money and does occasional house work. But I do the mental calendar for everyone and when Im sick everything is behind
- someone who replied, again
Makes sense. Where is this pressure on you coming from? Do you feel like you can speak openly about this with your spouse or whoever else?
- the person who asked
I'm sure I could speak my mind but it doesn't feel like it matters to anyone. Even though they say they understand. It feels like an automatic response for when they don't understand and they just care about what's wrong with them.
- someone who replied, again
Ever tried writing a letter to them?
- the person who asked
I have and majority of the time it turns into I'm sorry your having trouble I get i need to do more, be more for you and the kids. Im always fucking up doing something wrong and I need to do better. It usually turns into something wrong with them, when letter is just stating what I'm struggling with how I'm feeling and it feels like it's all talk and no action with him. When that's all I do is action because no one else does it.
- someone who replied
Hi, I don’t know if I have anything to say that will help, but I do know how you feel. You’re not alone. I grew up similarly and will feel like I’m the in most situations. It’s a massive struggle because even when I do receive help with childcare or housework, I feel like I owe that person. That the responsibility is and was mine and that I failed somehow. Being a caretaker who is also a stay at home mom is hard work and it is isolating.
- someone who replied, again
I’ve been trying to get out of the house once a week with my kids. I’m not much of a moms group type of person, but there are lots of walking groups or activities at our community center. Even if you don’t have deep conversations with people in these places (I don’t usually) it is nice to be around other people in similar stages of life.
- the person who asked
Alarae - I keep my friends list small because you can't always trust someone to be your friend. The good ones will stay when it matters the most. Not a moms group person either. It's nice to be around moms that have kids around your kids age. Feel like I'm not a good mom myself. Not fun, dad is. Sometimes comments like oh the kids get there happiness from there dad. Feels like a stab in the chest. And he points out. Well your not happy though.
