I feel like I'm losing my mind, I have memories of an adult life, but I'm 19, I remember places but mostly sensations, feelings, and none of them are good, it feels like I alredy lived but it was a horrible life, a sad and lonely one were I feel trapped, I remember this (or feel this way) when I see some things, I don't know what but I can tell tell when it's triggered, I've felt this since I was a child but lately it's been stronger, what is it?
asked by someone ·
27 replies
- the person who asked
I don't really understand, I'm not looking for a solution, I just hope someone can help me to understand what's happening. I appreciate any help
- someone who replied
Hum. Sounds like perhaps you’ve developed a defense mechanism or patterns to shield out some unpleasant experiences. Is it true you’ve been through a lot in childhood? Maybe now these feelings are resurfacing for one reason or another. It’s not necessarily bad, it could be a good thing
- the person who asked
I went through the opposite to a lot, I didn't live any experience a normal kid would, I wasn't able to go out because I might get sick, my parents never let me play videogames normally (I used to play but the would always lecture me) and I think I used to spend a lot of time in my mind
- the person who asked
I didn't even go to school that often, maybe 50% of all school days I would stay home (same reason, I might get "sick")
- someone who replied, again
Ok. That sounds like it could have been really hard. Maybe you don’t remember specifics because you were trying to protect yourself from some of those feelings. Maybe now you are encountering those feelings again in a new way. Perhaps now maybe your body and mind are feeling some of those feelings again In hopes of healing.
- the person who asked
But why would I think those feelings are part of my adulthood if I've never been an adult
- the person who asked
?
- someone who replied, again
Perhaps it’s a sense of direction or familiarity. Do you have a reaction to these feelings positive or negative? Do they feel like a good or bad thing?
- the person who asked
Negative, they're like bad memories
- someone who replied, again
Maybe you feel like you were not supposed to have a childhood. Like you were supposed to be an adult right away and didn’t have much of a childhood. Could it be that then memories are now emerging like you’ve been there before, but under the guise of a child who should be acting like an adult?
- the person who asked
Well, it makes sense to me
- the person who asked
I really think that could be true
- someone who replied, again
How does that make you feel about your parents and your childhood?
- the person who asked
I don't I just don't want to blame anyone, I like to tell myself it was "the will of the force" because I know if i blame my parents I would hate them so much I would never forgive them
- someone who replied, again
I’m not sure that’s necessarily true. It’s possible to hold people accountable and forgive. Sometimes that’s necessary for both parties to heal.
- the person who asked
I know I'm not strong enough, they gave me life but they also took it away from me
- someone who replied, again
Please allow me to challenge you in this one. What I think you mean to say is ‘I don’t feel strong enough’. Changing your language is important to use more empowering statements. Maybe you don’t feel ready, but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever
- the person who asked
Ok, let change my languaje, I don't want to be strong enough, I don't want to let them destroy me and go away with it as if nothing had happened, if I forgive them, it will all be gone, it will have been all for nothing, if I don't at least I'll know the truth and hopefully I could stop them from doing something similar to someone else
- someone who replied, again
Yes. You are right about a lot of those fears. Forgiveness doesn’t mean it didn’t happened. There is a first step there that involves acknowledging the situation and becoming aware. Do you feel like you are prepared to have that discussion or look at that? Are you working with a professional at all about some of this?
- the person who asked
No to both questions, I don't feel prepared to do it because I lived with them and I don't know what could happen if I talked to them about it, also, I can't get professional help because they would have to pay for it and they would know something's up I figured I'll just wait untill I have a place of my own and I can pay my own bill to seek professional help, is just that, every once in a while I feel really bad
- the person who asked
*live with them (as right now)
- someone who replied, again
Yeah that sounds tough. I bet every day is a bit of a reminder of these feelings which is hard. Do you have any other adult figures in your life that you trust that you’ve told about this? Teachers coaches grandparent aunt etc. do you think there is someone that you might feel comfortable sharing some of this with?
- the person who asked
Both of my grandfathers are dead, my grandmothers are manipulative monsters and, for some unknown reason (I know why, they're very difficult to deal with) my parents don't have a good relationship with any of their brothers (even tought some of my uncles are our neighbours) so no uncles or cousins to help me because they don't like me
- someone who replied, again
Ok. I can see how that would be hard on your parents. To be raised in that environment. Seems like they may be transferring some of that on to you. Do you keep a journal or a record of some of these feelings and thoughts? Might be helpful to get it out of your head sometimes like you’ve shared here.
- the person who asked
No, I don't because they could find it, but i guess I could keep a virtual journal
- someone who replied, again
That could help! Also, keep sharing the circumstances that are going on. You don’t need to go through them alone and getting an outside perspective can help!
- the person who asked
Yes, you really helped me understand the meaning of those feelings
