Any tips on how to build self confidence after so many years of abuse and so much negative self talk acquired from it. I grew up thinking actions i had taken and things i achieved like straight A’s in school and life in general wasn’t worth anything of value.
asked by someone ·
27 replies
- someone who replied
I think the one thing that helps most is to talk to yourself, either out loud or in your head, like you would talk to a friend whenever you accomplish something or if you have a mess up. It’s uncomfortable and feels kind of silly at first but over time it helps retrain your brain. Hope that helps.
- the person who asked
I’ve been talking to myself for often than not lately due to being alone while in quarantine. I’m in Florida and trying to stay away from all the Florida man shenanigans. So far it’s been driving me bonkers. Have tried asmr techniques to visualize and rationalize traumatic events. Just haven’t been able to master confidence. I’ll keep trying though. Thank you for the response megan. It does help.
- someone who replied, again
The fact that you have been trying different techniques and haven’t given up is amazing. I think that is a great accomplishment in itself. I’m sorry you are alone right now that must be difficult to say the least. I hope you can find a couple minutes to think of 3 things you did for yourself today no matter how big or small.
- someone who replied
Yeah great for trying new things! Shows you take initiative and won’t let this time totally win over you. Straight As in school is of value. Not sure why you think it’s not...what are some of the things that make you feel like you shouldnt be confident in who you are?
- the person who asked
Alright. I’ll try that too.
- the person who asked
My constant self doubt. My aim to make things my perception of “good enough,” meaning i want to to be proud of my work, when i have a job, and not sure when to leave it finished. Perfectionism, i guess. I was, and still getting over, being a people pleaser. Completely lose my sense of self in the process. Overthinking, simply put mixed with a cyclical hell of paranoia and anxiety.
- the person who asked
Thanks for the vote of confidence with Straight A’s. Sorry to overwhelm you. :-/
- someone who replied, again
What do you mean overwhelm me? I don’t think you are, you are explaining how you feel. Honestly, I know exactly how you feel so don’t worry. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? This is one of those things that people get better with over time with the right skills and support system
- the person who asked
Took you a long time to answer. Age is 32. Never really had the chance to develop social skills as a young adult due to an abusive parent. Very controlling. Been in and out mental hospitals throughout all my 20’s and so far early 30’s. Family says go on disability and everything will be okay. Also, your meds aren’t right. Been on everything for bipolar including causeril. Still rehashing the past in my head. Shitload of trauma. Attending therapy.
- someone who replied, again
Sounds like you are familiar with the mental health system and working through trauma. What about your experience makes you think it wont get better? You are still quite you and very self aware. You have a lot of life left to live and grow
- the person who asked
Please don’t take a offense. I ran out of text characters. I meant i thought you were offended because it took you a long time to answer me and i thought you were overwhelmed by my last response to you.
- someone who replied, again
Lol. No. Just doing other things and didn’t see you posted
- the person who asked
Word.
- someone who replied, again
Question stands though...
- the person who asked
Because when i’ve tried to express myself i am not taken seriously by my family and it’s shooed off as mental illness, paranoia, anxiety and overthinking that they don’t want to bother with the talking it out anymore and i also think that people can’t relate to. I thought i was the only one that had these type of issues to struggle with. I legitimately thought you gave up on this topic and i scared you away because it was too much to process
- the person who asked
...all at once. Keep running out of characters.
- the person who asked
All my old friends just left me. Didn’t want anything to do with me after i said my peace and my mind.
- someone who replied, again
Interesting. Seems like maybe you are bringing up stuff your family isn’t prepared to deal with and just dismissing you and blaming it on mental health instead of dealing with it.
- the person who asked
It’s been that way for about 6 years. I’ve only been reaching out to other people via the interwebz to get a different perspective on things.
- someone who replied, again
Yeah. Sounds like you could use someone on your side. Family is often supposed to be that place of refuge for us but sometimes it’s not. No matter how hard one tries. And it doesn’t have to be. Refuge can be found elsewhere. I’m not saying you should abandon them, but you don’t have to carry this cross for them forever you can only do so much
- the person who asked
Thank you. They’re trying to make me feel wanted and i’m not sure what to say to them anymore. It’s like friend treatment. Every time i talk about my issues it’s like my voice and opinion is invalid. Out patient theerapy has helped and this new emdr therapy has worked wonders already. Things have never known that has bothered me has surfaced and it’s overwhelming; almost disturbing.
- someone who replied, again
That work is good. It’s an accomplishment so be proud of that success. You cannot change others, only yourself so keep the progress, inch by inch with them. Their comfort level is what will determine how far they are willing to go. Be open to progress, but don’t push. It’s not worth it. I’m sure you already know this and have been doing it but just wanted to say
- the person who asked
It’s appreciated so much more than you know.
- the person who asked
Thank you. It’s been ages since i’ve opened up like this.
- someone who replied, again
Glad you shared.
- the person who asked
Dude. I’ve been trying to get inspiration from people on this app and you and the few other people that help out people having trying times is amazing. You do guys do God’s work. Please don’t stop. You helped me a lot and i’m sure there will be more others you’ll definitely help in the future. Kudos.
- someone who replied, again
Absolutely. Someone once did it for me.
