The other night I dreamed about my school bully, I tought I had forgot but I can't get him out of my mind and I think I'm still afraid of him and I hate him
asked by someone ·
42 replies
- the person who asked
*Forgotten
- someone who replied
That sounds frustrating. Recurrent thoughts are no fun. Do you ever interact with him anymore?
- the person who asked
No, haven't seen him in almost 5 years
- someone who replied, again
Do you feel like it has had any lasting impact on you? What was your takeaway from the situation? Either good or bad in your perspective looking back
- the person who asked
Yes, I feel like I still hate him, and I want to be ready if I ever see him again, either I forgive him or I fight him
- someone who replied, again
Which way are you leaning towards? Fight or forgive?
- the person who asked
I don't, I would like to fight, but I'm afraid, he's the only one who's ever defeated me
- someone who replied, again
How does that make you feel? Being able to be defeated/beaten?
- the person who asked
Life has defeated me many times and I'm ok with that, but he didn't just defeated me, he humilliated me
- someone who replied, again
Ah. Do you feel that this humiliation was noticed or felt by others? Meaning do you hold onto how others viewed you because of it?
- the person who asked
I don't think so, but I can tell you nobody ever helped me, it wasn't "passive" bullying, I fought, really hard, yet, I failed
- someone who replied, again
Ok. So this is really between you and him. Do you think less of yourself for having this occur to you?
- the person who asked
Kinda, mostly because I couldn't help it
- someone who replied, again
Ok. Do you feel like there is something in your power you could/want to do to address that perception that others may have of you?
- the person who asked
I don't care about what others think of me
- someone who replied, again
Ok. So you know you this is primarily between you and your feelings about this situation and him. You are not as concerned about others or lasting impressions. That’s Good. I have an idea.
- someone who replied, again
How do you feel about trying to forgive him? Have you tried? If so, how?
- the person who asked
I tried, I also tried to forget and I tought I had made it but suddenly O dreamed about him and I can't get him out of my mind
- someone who replied, again
How did you try and forgive him? What did you do?
- the person who asked
Well, I just try not to think about it and not giving up to hatred everytime I did
- someone who replied, again
Have you ever tried thinking about it? Intentionally bringing it to mind, recalling specific events, activating acceptance and compassion. Ever done a loving kindness meditation?
- someone who replied, again
Something like this? https://youtu.be/A07aCGQMKZg I haven’t done this one so idk
- someone who replied, again
But I find opening yourself and welcoming in the thoughts to be more effective than trying to turn them off
- the person who asked
I think it would just make me hate him more
- someone who replied, again
Then you may have to hate him more for a while. You have to open yourself up to those thoughts and feel the effectsbefore you will let them pass.
- the person who asked
Really, you think so?
- someone who replied, again
Was shutting them out working?
- the person who asked
At least I didn't think about, I felt better than I feel right now
- someone who replied, again
It’s not Permian to though. Try opening up to it. Do you meditate or pray or have a contemplative practice?
- someone who replied, again
Permanent*
- the person who asked
I meditate and pray every once in a while
- someone who replied, again
‘May I be well’ ‘may you be well’ cultivate thoughts of him. Actions, whatever triggers you. Try and work through wholeheartedly wishing him well and forgiving
- the person who asked
Any guess on why I suddenly remebered him?
- someone who replied, again
Not really. Tough to say. Could be a lot of reasons.
- the person who asked
I'd love to hear your opinion
- someone who replied, again
What could you learn from this resurfacing?
- the person who asked
That I'll never truly be free and something will always make me suffer
- someone who replied, again
Interesting. Could it also be that there is still some unresolved learning that you haven’t uncovered from your relationship with the bully? Like something you haven’t let go? Or could this just be another opportunity for you to practice letting go?
- the person who asked
Yes, it might
- someone who replied, again
Ok. Then leave it at that. There is still some work to do or healing. Whatever you want to call it. It’s great you made it this far. Have the courage to turn over this stone and face it full on.
- the person who asked
Ok thank you
- someone who replied, again
You’re welcome.
