So, there's a huge mess on my mind, can someone talk to me?, please
asked by someone ·
27 replies
- someone who replied
Hey. I’ll listen! What’s going on?
- the person who asked
I'm made a mess, I met someone online, I've never had a girlfriend and i talked to this girl and she made me feel things I've never felt before but I have aspergers and I don't really know if she was into me or she was being nice. She once told me she goes aways from everything sometimes, long story short, she hasn't replied for 2 over weeks and we haven't talked for about a month
- the person who asked
But her accounts show no activity so I think she just went away from it all but she might just be ghosting me. I'm 19, and I've never felt anything like that but there's also a lot of school stuff going on and I just don't really know what I'm feeling, saturday night I cried but somehow I was feeling joy, yesterday was more or less normal but out of nowhere my head started to hurt and today I just feel lost
- the person who asked
I've been going through this for over a month and I tend to handle things by myself but I've done everything I knoe works for me but it's not working this time. I can't see things the same way, I lool through my window and things feel a lot more different, everything seems strange and unknown. I don't really know what I'm feeling
- someone who replied, again
Sounds like you are feeling attracted to someone! That’s pretty normal in early stages of getting to know someone especially if you have a genuine connection. The time away really sucks. I can see how that would be hard. If it would help, if she responds again, consider asking her to give you a heads up before she’s going to be unreachable for a while. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have that communication be up front
- someone who replied, again
In fact it’s a little immature to have a continued conversation with someone and then just not respond for extended periods of time if she just expects to pick things up like nothing happened. Forewarning is a small ask and if she’s not willing to do that then you know she’s never really going to respect your requests or needs.
- the person who asked
Ok but the girl thing is not what worries me, I feel like there are a lot of emotions I don't know and I'm feeling them rn, like the crying while feeling joy, the anxiety and such, I just don't know why is that
- the person who asked
And also, I usually handle things by myself, I know what works for me and how to "fix myself", I have tried everything and I don't seem to get better, it's been like a month and I'm kinda freaking out
- someone who replied, again
Tears of joy are a beautiful thing. And new emotions are scary. I’d continue exploring talking about it with people. Be curious. How come you think that now given what’s going on in your life you now feel more emotions than before? Has anything changed?
- the person who asked
Well not really, just that I told you and I don't really see why I would cry tears of joy, at that moment I told myself it was because I had hope, before this girl I wanted to die alone, it didn't sound bad to me and not having a wife and children didn't sound bad
- the person who asked
But I also have this college stuff that make me feel like I'm growing up way too fast and it just seems like a slurry of emotions I don't understand and everyday I feel a bit different, yet bad, I have this thought on the back of my head saying "it's such a mess" but I just don't know why
- someone who replied, again
Do you have other influences in your life that have identified emotional fluctuation as ‘messy’? Do you think you could have picked that perspective you from someone?
- the person who asked
Not really, I just think that when things get hard and I don't understand I tend to say it's a mess
- someone who replied, again
Ok. That’s good to know about you. There is no reason that you are a mess if things get hard or you don’t understand. In fact you need that difficulty to grow. Growth isn’t easy and you sound like you are growing emotionally. That’s a good thing.
- the person who asked
But I feel awful and it's been over a month, what can I do to feel better?, I accepted that she might not come back, I let go, but yet I still feel the same
- someone who replied, again
Are you grieving that loss? Or is this sadness unrelated?
- someone who replied, again
I’d wonder if you’ve truly let go. If you no longer wait for her messages at all…honestly I’d move on and start talking to other people. That’s one of the only ways I’ve felt to move on is to start talking to other ppl
- the person who asked
I did that, I talked to lots a new people like 2 weeks ago and it was just worse you know?, I felt super anxious and sad because I never felt the same thing I felt with her
- the person who asked
I tell myself I let go, that desperate feeling of waiting is way less strong now but I guess I'm still hopeful she'll reply, and despides all that, I feel horrible. I'm a man of science, I know feeling this way is just stupid but yet I feel this mess inside myself that I don't understand and I just want it to stop. I would lo to talk to her again, yes, but rn I would just want to know if she's ok and move because I'm so tired of it all
- someone who replied, again
What’s preventing you from believing that she’s ok? Do you really need to know if she’s ok? Or do you want to rekindle that conversation and feeling?
- the person who asked
I guess I care about her and I want to know if she's ok, we talked about out problems and well, she has as much issues as me and I want to know if she's doing fine, but also, I'm not gonna lie, talking to her made me feel awesome things I've never felt before and I'd love to feel it again but I'm also kinda ashamed because it was really quick and imo it shouldn't be this quick but I've never had a gf before and I don't really know a lot about it
- someone who replied, again
It’s ok if you felt strongly for her quickly. That’s going to happen sometimes. But you have to assume she’s doing ok. Your well-being cannot be dependent on whether or not she is ok. Your well-being has to be influenced and owned by your decisions and your life. Think of how much more you’ll have to contribute to the relationship of you are capable of bringing that emotional confidence and stability to the table. Cultivate that in yourself
- someone who replied, again
And your relationships will be stronger
- the person who asked
I know, but I don't knoe how to do it, I've tried everything I know and yet it doesn't work, should I just wait it out?
- someone who replied, again
There isn’t an answer on how. It’s reminding yourself to focus on yourself moment by moment. Each time you think of her instead of wishing for something, repeat to yourself ‘I wish her well’ and move on with your day. Don’t let yourself spiral down those thought patterns. Repeat that mantra and on with your day
- the person who asked
Ok, I will, thanks a lot, I guess it's just a matter of time
- someone who replied, again
It is but you have control over how long it takes for you to hold on or to let go and move on.
