I don't know what's going on, somehow I feel uncomfortable, also, I feel so alone, I wish I had somebody to love and loves me back
asked by someone ·
20 replies
- someone who replied
Yes. That longing is a natural desire. Such a double edged sword, something that can bring so much joy and so much pain. Sounds like you are in the latter half. What kind of person do you wish to be with who shares that live back?
- the person who asked
Just someone who understands what I've been through. Maybe someone who has their own problems too so we can share and try to help each other Yes, I would like to find somebody to love romantically speaking, but honestly, I just want somebody who understands, maybe a friend or something even if this person can't be my partner And that's only half of it, lately I've been feeling uncomfortable during the day, I don't know why and I can't explain it
- someone who replied, again
Yeah. That’s ok. Those are natural feelings of companionship. Do you feel hopeful that you will find someone? If so, what are you doing to make that a reality? If not, how come?
- the person who asked
No, not really, I've never had it and everytime I've been close to have it, somehow it all goes away, I don't think it's either my fault or their fault, maybe that's just the way it goes for me, I think I might never have it because if I ever do, I couldn't bear to loose it
- someone who replied, again
I don’t think anyone talks enough about timing in relationships. Chemistry, attraction, adoration, those can all be there. But if both people don’t want the same thing at the same time, it’s not gonna happen. More often I’d say thing don’t work out over timing. Not the first items. So don’t give up on yourself, getting the timing right can be a challenge but it’s not impossible.
- the person who asked
But the thing is, I don't know if I could handle the loss, I mean, I would be ol with a breakup, but if I ever get married and loose early my SO, I don't think I could handle it. I know I'm not looking for a relationship rn, I don't know if I ever will, but I can't help to feel lonely and there's this other uncomfortable (unrelated) feeling and I don't know where it comes from, honestly I think it will go away in some time but I'm confussed
- someone who replied, again
It’s ok to be confused and worried about how you would act if you were in a relationship and had a loss. But that isn’t a reason to stop or not try. It sounds like you are caught in some feelings of indecision. Accurate?
- the person who asked
Yes, I feel that way
- someone who replied, again
Hum. How could you get out of it? I feel like you are on a precipice, like right when a hero is either deciding to be a villain and release rage or respond out of fear vs take the high road. Some thoughts are keeping you from committing to being your own hero in this case. What’s holding you back?
- the person who asked
Fear I guess, fear of getting something beautiful and losing it, maybe it's also the fact that, as I said, I don't want a hookup or something I want someome who can understand me, some I can take care of and can also take care of me and it seems to me this is very hard to find, also, I'm ashamed to say this but I only like white people, romantically speaking, which narrows it down even more, I can hang out with anyone, but I couldn't love anyone
- someone who replied, again
Would you say you are confident in what you bring to a partnership? Like if I were to ask why you would be a good partner, what would you say? Do you think that you would be a wonderful partner and hold up your end of a committed relationship?
- the person who asked
I can't say I would be wonderful, it's not up to me to define that, however, I can say I'd do my best, no matter what, I wan't to take care of a partner, love my partner and be the best partner I can be. I know it's not a horny brain speaking, I really want to commit and give my best. I can bring love and understanding to a relationship and that's the only thing I want in return
- someone who replied, again
Sounds rather confident to me! That’s important and you are right, you cannot control how they see you and your actions. the only thing you have control over is your behavior. So if you believe in yourself and those words, I don’t see how you can be afraid of how someone else sees you and that. If it is truly meant to be, they will see that too. The fact that some people won’t see that is actually a gift. And you need not fear that loss for that
- someone who replied, again
Loss is meant to be. Meaning you each could learn something from the other and it didn’t work out. But it needed not to work out. Fearing that growth will keep you from forever progressing. And your pure response and commitment to yourself is all you can bring to the relationship. So forget about how they will receive you and focus on how you will receive them. You are the one who shows up, be in your shoes.
- the person who asked
It's just matter of time then? What if it's never meant to be? What if I'm meant to be alone?
- someone who replied, again
No it’s a matter of input. It’s about how much energy you are willing to put into your search. That defines how much you will get out of it. You control your own contribution
- the person who asked
But what if I put a lot of time and effort in my search but it's not meant to be?
- someone who replied, again
That question suggests that you are potentially powerless over your own future. I reject the idea that we don’t have any control over our lives. Same way you walk up to a facet and pour yourself a glass of water. You do it. There is a risk that water doesn’t come out, but you take that risk. You cannot live in fear of what may not become of it for if you do, you would never pour the water that in fact is waiting to be drunk.
- someone who replied, again
And if the water doesn’t come out of the facet, you could quit. Stop. Go thirsty. Or, you could learn plumbing, try a few things, turn screws unclog pipes, ask for help. Same with the relationship
- the person who asked
That's helpful, I think you're right Thanks a lot
