Hi, I'm feeling down and really weird, I don't really understand my emotions and wishes rn. It's kinda like a big mess, I would appreciate some help. Thanks.
asked by someone ·
26 replies
- someone who replied
What’s a big mess? What’s going on and what are you thinking/feeling?
- the person who asked
I don't really know, when I wake up I feel a huge anxiety, it wears off quickly but still, I don't know why. It's like I want things but I'm not sure about what to do to get them, I'm also not sure what I'll do if I get them, how that will change me, I'm just lost
- someone who replied, again
What are the things you want and what is the gap between where you are now and them?
- the person who asked
I'd like to find a partner, the gap is I've never had one before, I don't know what do to get one and I don't know how life will be after that, I don't even know if someone will want to be with me, if they do, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it
- someone who replied, again
I understand the desire but it seems like you are a few too many steps ahead and it’s clouding your judgement. You need not worry about not finding someone or if you will be able to handle it. If you want to find a partner, go try! Full stop. Period. Etc. if you are true to yourself you’ll work through those things in time and they need not inhibit your forward progress by hypothesizing about hypothetical situations that you cannot and will not b
- someone who replied, again
Be right about it have any idea what is like until you are there. Simplify it for yourself. If you would like to find a partner, start. There are many avenues
- the person who asked
You're right, makes sense On the other hand, I don't think that's related to what I feel when I wake up, I don't really know what it is, what can I do to figure it out?
- someone who replied, again
Have you tried the ask why? 5 times? Ask yourself why? And answer the question 5 times and see where it takes you. Why do I feel this way? Because x, why do I feel x? Because y, etc. see where you end up
- the person who asked
Ok, well, kinda feel like it's about past repeating itself, does that make sense? I've been dreaming about my time in high school a lot lately though
- someone who replied, again
Perhaps. I’d need to hear more about what you are feeling and the whys behind it to understand or comment further. If you care to share some of your exploration I’ll listen.
- the person who asked
Well, I usually have dreams about my time in high school, never the same dream, never the same main topic but always related to high school, then about 1 hour before I get out of bed, while I'm half awake half asleep I feel something in my chest, I don't really know how to describe it, it's not quite anxiety but similar, it had a bit of despair thrown into the mix as well. I'm tempted to say there's more but I don't know how to explain it
- someone who replied, again
What are some of the things that contribute to the feelings of anxiety? Is there something that brings up the fear? Taking to people, or being embarrassed or bullied or something?
- the person who asked
Yeah, that's a part if it, most times when I try to talk to people I don't know or in front of a large group I get a burning feeling on my ribcage, it actually doesn't hurt, I just feel the heat. Also, I think I'm afraid the same thing will happen now, both academically and socially
- someone who replied, again
Hum. Sounds like some feelings of social anxiety. How long have you been feeling this way and do you know what’s contributed to it starting?
- the person who asked
My whole life honestly, the "burning" feeling started like a year ago, actually, I used to feel cold before that
- someone who replied, again
Interesting. How many ppl close to you know this about you? And do you have any coping skills that help you overcome these feelings?
- someone who replied, again
Also, would you say that people close to you have historically valued your opinion or respect your thinking or contribution to discussion or ideas?
- the person who asked
I don't think I've ever told this to anyone, I don't know if it's coping but I just let it be, I feel it and hope it goes away soon. Not so much, I mean I've spent most of my life talking only with my parents and brother, my parents almost always say they're right, that we're not the same and hence they know a lot more than me and even if they're wrong I have to do as they say since I'm just a son, not a father
- someone who replied, again
Yeah man. You just nailed it. Your parents have beaten the confidence out of you. I’d feel the same way if I felt like my opinion was not worth it or less than those closest to me. It’s not that there is something wrong with you or what you have to say. You’ve developed these feelings about being afraid to talk as a defense mechanism to make it through family life. It’s helped you survive this far but now you are recognizing it doesn’t serve you
- someone who replied, again
It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just that now you need to develop a new set of skills
- the person who asked
I don't know, maybe I was just born this way, if I tell them this I'm sure they will deny it and say it's not their fault
- someone who replied, again
You don’t have to tell them but no way man. I promise you that as a baby you were not afraid to cry. This is a learned behavior out of self preservation. But the good news is that just like how this behavior was learned, you can unlearn it. Might be hard, might now be straight forward. But it’s possible. Are you ready to make that change?
- the person who asked
I always thought it would be due to aspergers but makes sense. So, I just go out and do stuff and it will change over time?
- someone who replied, again
Sort of. I don’t want to make it seem like it’s going to be that simple but in many ways it is and in many ways it is not. You are not inherently flawed and you are not doomed to feel this way forever. But you’ve got to build up some new skills and habits which is what I’m hearing you long for. It does start simple by putting yourself out there. Start by finding people with similar interests. Meetup.com could be a good place to start
- someone who replied, again
And give yourself some grace. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel discouraged. But keep getting back up and start forging your path
- the person who asked
That's really useful, thanks a lot
