Recently diagnosed with DID/BPD and am 33 days sober. Really worried one of my alters is going to screw this up for me. I’ve been looking/participating in online groups but was wondering if one of you knew more about DID that I could ask questions of
asked by someone ·
22 replies
- someone who replied
First of all congratulations on 33 days. That’s a great accomplishment and something to be proud of. I don’t have experience with it personally but would be interested in listening if you want to share more and I might have some advice to offer if you are open to hearing it
- the person who asked
Thank you so much. I tend to minimize that success me appreciate you reminding me not too. Lol. I have 2 alters in my family… a 6 year old and a 16 year old. My 16 year old is my guardian and has been through HELL protecting us over the years. I’m desperately working on reframing her thinking… that we don’t need men, drugs, or to be abused to be loved or not abandoned. I’ve asked her to work with us as a team… but looking for tips to help w/this
- the person who asked
I have an amazing significant other who has hung in there with me EVEN THOUGH he has been side swiped with A LOT over this last month and a half… but both he and I are terrified she’ll blow everything out of fear. I want to figure out as many fail safes as I can to protect ALL of us. I talk to my alters, I journal, I have given them a voice. I’ve deleted all social media/names/pictures from my phone and no driving when upset. Any other tips?
- someone who replied, again
Sounds like you’ve made a lot of good strides and have a supportive partner. That’s amazing! You also sound grateful which is really helpful too. My only observation is that being afraid you are going to screw up is natural. But it’s also like you are winning the sports game in the 3rd quarter and there is 1 more quarter to go. If a coach is talking to the team, do you think they are focused on what might happen that could make them lose? No, the
- someone who replied, again
Best coaches are calm, keep playing the way you have, don’t let fear creep in. Do what you can control. Fear is inevitable. But how much of it is the focus of your mind instead of focusing on the little things you’ve accomplished to get you this far? If you are focused and waiting on the regression, it’s a way to protect yourself and be ‘right’ if it happens. Try resting in your progress and focusing on what you’ve done to get this far
- someone who replied, again
Let that focus be the one that occupies your mind. The focus on what’s been done to help you stay on the path. Let go of the focus on the potential negative, stay focused on the potential of continuing to succeed
- someone who replied
So much courage. Thanks for sharing your story OP. DID is tough but you seem like you have a lot going for you which I admire.
- someone who replied, again
What makes you think that you and or your alters will screw up it up for you?
- the person who asked
Thanks for the advice. I’ve been using a CBT app called WOEBOT that’s been really helping. I think what’s dr asking me out is the more anxious and overwhelmed I get the more active “the girls” are… I’m terrified they’re going to pop out in an interview lol
- the person who asked
My impulsive 16 year old will just say fuck it and go and either use men or drugs. And she’s self sabotaged us before. I will say though I was using the last time she did that. I didn’t think of that before… perhaps now that I’m clean.. and she’s agreed to behave for OUR best interest.. it won’t be as drastic. I tried to quit smoking cold turkey yesterday and after 8hrs she threw a fit lol. So we’ve agreed to cut back
- someone who replied, again
Lol. That’s so good that you know that! It must be empowering to at least have that degree of control because I’d bet it wasn’t always like that. You must have worked hard to get to where you are
- the person who asked
Do you know how hard it is to get three women of different ages to compromise lol
- the person who asked
Honestly.. I’ve only hard the formal diagnosis and accepted them and allowed them to come Out for the last 30 days… I’ve been googling like crazy and found some great groups. I don’t know what’s going on when the 16 year old is in control.. but the 6 year old and I can “share” at the same time… as long as I let her pick what we’re going to wear and she gets to color lol
- the person who asked
I’m just so relieved to know what’s going on I’ll try anything. I really thought there was a battle for my soul going on… I was living two separate lives
- someone who replied, again
Must have been exhausting..
- the person who asked
It was.. it still is… but I’m ok with that. I just have to find us a job so we can stay at the boarding house we’re at right now. I’m pounding the internet and interviewing like crazy.. I’ve turned it over to my higher power and asked him to help… but Pandora… the 16 year old is NOT ok with not being in control… that’s exhausting… cause she wants to hustle and we can’t.
- someone who replied, again
Hum. Interesting. Was there something that happened around that time, when you were 16, that being in control was a necessary self maintenance or self defense move that helped you survive?
- the person who asked
Yes. She’s my defender… that’s when we started using and I went from zero to 100 overnight.. and some bad things happened from them til 5 weeks ago. She’s taken it all
- the person who asked
I’ve only just started learning some of it. I have acute post COVID syndrome too and my brain is COMPLETELY different. I’ve been in therapy trying to get stuff to work again… but that’s when I REALLY started hearing the voices
- someone who replied, again
Ugh. Covid has been so unfair how it effects other people. You sound really self aware and like you have a team of people working with you, I’m happy that you have that access and support. I know at times it may not be enough. But I’m glad at least there are people out there to help. Like this app. I’ll be here if you want to chat
- the person who asked
Thank you so much! Today was exhausting.. the 16 year old was in charge for most of the morning… then the 6 year old.. then finally me. My poor significant other has never had them interact with him like that before… but he did great. I’m pooped
- someone who replied, again
I know you already probably have, but if that’s the case and you haven’t, please tell him it means a lot to you. Sometimes men and women or partners and other partners don’t speak the same language or a lot goes unspoken. Don’t let it go unspoken, nobody wins if that’s the case
