I am married, love my wife and kids and want to be the best man I can be for them but I am having issues as I feel like I am depressed/blue with them. I love them so much but also I feel numb to my wife many days and I hate it. I just want to be all in but I find some days I just am not here at all mentally for her. I end up feeling guilty and depressed cause I can't give her my all. She knows about this too but that doesn't make it easier.
asked by someone ·
13 replies
- someone who replied
I struggle too with this. I’m deeply committed to my wife but I often have difficulty meeting her needs so she feels unnoticed or unappreciated. My emotions rub off on her and my kid as well. What are some of the things that are contributing to your sadness?
- the person who asked
It's nice to know it isn't just a one person issue. Sometimes I have issues where I overthink things like am I still happy, do I want this, am I still in love despite knowing full well I am. I also told my wife I had a crush on a workmate last year, but unfortunately, it didn't go too well (fair enough) but now it happens with every woman I become friends with so I get even more depressed and filled with anxiety too.
- someone who replied, again
Yeah. I think it’s natural to feel an attraction to other people you are not married to. Acting on it and seeking to perhaps fill a void left by a current relationship is probably a sign that there are some improvements and or changes in the relationship to be made. Also matters how you and your partner have agreed as defining boundaries in a relationship, what you value in one another, faithfulness, etc.
- someone who replied, again
Is it something that the women give you that you think you are missing? What does that tell you about yourself and your current position in life? Is it meeting your needs/wants/goals?
- the person who asked
I suppose it is nice just talking to someone who finds me interesting. To be honest, I know my wife still finds me interesting and enjoys hearing about me but also we are always at a minimum time for each other as we are parents. We have spoken about it and I am very lucky in that she wants to work with me always. We've discussed open relationship potential but both agree either of used get jealous.
- someone who replied, again
Sounds like you have a healthy dialogue. Parenting is hard. I have a 2 yr old and 1 on the way. I’m only just beginning the journey and I know our relationship will only be squeezed more. Truth be told I’m just trying to get through this part as being alongside the pregnancy! She is more emotional than I’m used to.
- someone who replied, again
Back to you though, is your relationship a big contributor to your feelings of depression or are there other things? Job, work, friends, hobbies, the world, etc ?,
- the person who asked
Yeah, I feel that mate. It isn't easy, but you've got this. It takes a lot of patience and time to raise a family but you've more than likely got that in spades.
- the person who asked
Anyways, yeah, my relationship is good. I just feel a bit sad when coming home, but when I'm away from my wife and kids I miss them so much. We used to have a bit of a sour relationship in that she would always be very critical of everything I did and that made me feel kind of insecure in our relationship and myself as I'd never want to disappoint her.
- someone who replied, again
Interesting. I make my wife feel the same way you are describing you feel. Honestly this is for me because I’d like to be better so it’s ok if you don’t want to answer, but what would you want her to say or do to make you feel differently?
- the person who asked
Just to take time to breathe and be open to the fact that everyone is different in how they do things, not only in how they think. If it gets the same result in the end why be mad or annoyed at the process? That's what I told her a couple of years ago and she really improved with it.
- someone who replied, again
Good advice. Thank you.
- the person who asked
All good, mate. Thank you for listening to my life story as well, really appreciate what you do for folks on here.
