What do you do when your girlfriends mother is emotionaly abusive? Throws doubt into your relationship? And calls her pathetic when we announce plans for marriage? When you know you are helpless to what happens to the person you know your soul belongs to and have to watch her get ruined by her mother? Whenever i stand up to her, her mother just takes it out on her behind my back and acts all nice whenever im around, She doesnt deserve this
asked by someone ·
11 replies
- the person who asked
A mother who looks at her 20 year old daughters phone in the middle of the night, that never gives space and time for my girlfriend to think, to the point that i have to be the one who saves her and makes sure she gets some peace and queit. I cant tell shes sick of her home and so am i, but i have no power to do anything but to be by her side
- someone who replied
I'm sorry you two find yourselves in this situation. This feeling of powerlessness you're experiencing is a hard one to deal with. Based on your post, you sound like an attentive and caring person- which is probably what your girlfriend really needs in her life. Don't underestimate the value of your support. As for what you could do, I would say maintain an open, honest communication between your girlfriend and yourself ...
- someone who replied, again
... is really important. The situation you are in is a tough one, but you are in it together. And you can help each other to process what is going on, understand it, and slowly start putting more distance between yourselves and your girlfriend's mother, especially emotionally speaking. May I ask if you know what is behind her mother's behavior?
- the person who asked
Thank you, nobody really knows what is up with her but its becoming more apparent that its something that needs to be diagnosed, theres bad spending habits, lack of supporting children, yelling and finding a reason to gargue about anything and thinks about herself first and claims its because “family matters” as na excuse. He husband is a nicer person, although he’s extremly busy so theres barley and communication, and i worry they’l break
- someone who replied
Sounds like the mother is putting a lot of her baggage on other people. Sometimes unfortunately separation from the source can be a good thing. Allow people to grow up independently of one another. She sounds smothering right now
- the person who asked
She is quite overwhelming yeah. Its my GF’s birthday soon and her mother claims that its ‘her day’ because she was the one birthing her instead of the birthday being about the person who gave birth. My girlfeind told me she never felt this way, but i do think that marriage is like the only way i can get her out of there, but im not making the mistake of marrying her of the person she will become, im marrying her for the strong person that she is
- someone who replied, again
Yeah. I just proposed and I don’t think marriage is a solution to anything. It’s much more than that and I’m sure you are aware. But what else could you do to provide that space for her and yourself in the short term to grow together without encountering that so much?
- the person who asked
What i do is make sure we go on a walk or on a drive, or at least have some time alone in her room for a few minutes before people barge in
- the person who asked
Congratulations by the way!!!
- someone who replied
Try not so much controlling the situation, but accepting it for what it is-Accepting does not mean defeat. Be a support in what ways you can
- the person who asked
Can you speak more to that?
