I hate being everyone's therapist, I see one myself and it doesn't feel like it's changing anything other than getting clarity I already knew. I don't like being told to (if you don't want me to go just say it) when I don't want them to and we have kids , they have an attitude to everyone even the kids. This has been the most stable relationship I've been in. It's the emotional trauma I can't get past.
asked by someone ·
20 replies
- someone who replied
Consider changing therapists if you still want to go to therapy. You should be making progress and it should feel meaningful, not just something you get brownie points for doing. Not saying you feel that way, just making a juxtaposing point. I’m not following the bottom half of your message. Are you talking about your spouse and them wanting you to go to therapy? And you having a stable with the spouse but they have an attitude wit every1 n kids?
- the person who asked
It's like when you ask someone to be honest about something and you say if you don't think I should go just let me know. If you need me to help more today because you want a break or if you disagree with where I'm going obviously out of something you don't feel comfortable with. Usually they should be understanding because they asked you to tell them. In return I get bitter attitude and feel like the most hated person. I would rather them go.
- the person who asked
By stable relationship, I mean we share the car, we have a decent house kids have beds, food, basic needs met. Which was so much more than where we were living and pushing on money for food because rent was so high even for low income at the time. Relationship and kids are not for the weak. As I get older I have to work on the trauma from childhood or the emotional aspect of it to understand how to help myself and my kids.
- someone who replied, again
You sound like you are trying really really hard and that’s commendable. You don’t sound selfish and seem like you genuinely care about the people in your life. Chances are you are the one holding it all together. Do you feel like anyone else knows? Sounds like nobody else acts like it and maybe that’s causing frustration?
- the person who asked
I do things because I know no one else will. And if I do the job or chores or play home improvement specialist at least I know it's being done the correct way . I try to teach my kids so I'm not the only one doing it but it makes it hard when their dad doesn't show the same patience to teach them so it's more work for me.
- someone who replied, again
It is. Are you able to see the forest through the trees so to speak? Like are you able to see and feel that you’re making a positive impact on your kids life in your family because of all that you’re adding to the family? Do you actually allow yourself to feel good about your contribution because it does sound like it’s really significant.
- the person who asked
Sometimes I do but when something happens at any given part of the day where you think your having a good day and a comment or reaction or simple body language from people can throw all of it out the door. My kids want my undivided attention all the time and I get so exhausted when I should be able to spend time. Sometimes I feel like I'm a single married mom if it makes sense
- someone who replied, again
It does. Lots of similarities to my life actually. I know this will seem Counter intuitive, but when was the last time you checked in on your spouses needs? How he’s doing? Not in passing but seriously check in. Date night, walk without kids, something. Maybe if you break through to him he will notice and return the favor? Thoughts?
- the person who asked
He's wants be fit like he was before and when I ask how his day is it's always complaining of work or coworkers who are incompetent to do there job or how he wants a lucky day because when people win jackpots the dealer gets tipped but not everyone tips because there not aware that tipping is the income. And becoming a manager means getting paid less than the potential tips as dealers. Phone is usually with him even when I'm talking to him
- someone who replied, again
What about a no phones at dinner rule? Or some way to ask for his full attention more often. And being fit comes down to nutrition mostly. Ever heard of Tim Ferris and the 30 30 30? I’ve been trying it. Idk if it works but maybe it will for him. Could you start buying healthier foods and spearhead the healthier lifestyle?
- the person who asked
He gets a max of maybe 4hrs of awake time before he has to work. He usually not home for dinner. 10hr shifts. He wakes 1pm and gets ready at4pm to leave at 5pm and be home by4am so work cycle is hard. Have heard of Tim Ferris yet. Which my allergies to food we all be eating chicken and rice forever lol. Milk, some nuts, onion, garlic everything good. I might need to homestead everything
- the person who asked
Haven't heard of Tim Ferris*
- someone who replied, again
Nothing wrong with chicken and rice. I practically grew up on that. We are trying to homestead a lot too! Do you believe in yourself? In this family, in your relationship, do you trust yourself and that things Will work out?
- the person who asked
I believe I will find a way because nothing is impossible. I guess I don't get a lot of belief from people, so sometimes I don't believe myself but it doesn't mean I'm not determined.
- the person who asked
Wish I was more of a green thumb it would certainly help out. Or that my husband would help water them when I forget so I don't have to be scolded by how I kill plants. Lol
- someone who replied, again
I can tell you are determined. No question about that. I believe in you. I believe in everyone because how horrible is it to live in a world where you expect people to fail. But that’s the easy way. Expecting failure is easy. Having faith in success or overcoming or whatever, is hard. But it has to be hard or everyone would do it. Don’t doubt yourself. I know you may not be surrounded by people who believe in you but maybe that’s your calling.
- someone who replied, again
To be that beacon of hope and faith
- someone who replied, again
lol. Keep going sister. You are good and trying to be good. Patience with your partner, boundaries, open fearless communication. You are important
- the person who asked
Thank you I appreciate it. Finding my calling seems harder than it seems to be. Especially after having kids.
- someone who replied, again
Yes. That makes it a lot more challenging. And it doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen
