How do you help someone who can't stand high pitch noise like children screaming or crying. But they refuse to get help because they insist on knowing how to fix it themselves? There must be something they can do or is it a trauma response and if so what trauma response would that come from?
asked by someone ·
11 replies
- someone who replied
Good question, is this a loved one, family friend,son, daughter? One thing is for certain, you cannot make people change until they’re ready. I find even making recommendations when somebody’s not ready for change just makes it worse. I know it’s hard to sit on your hands while someone’s struggling or if you think it should be different, but sometimes empathy is the only answer if they are not ready.
- someone who replied, again
Could be a trauma response could be something from childhood my son struggles with high-pitched noises and babies crying, some people would say it’s a sign of autism. I don’t really care, I don’t need a label and I don’t want to label him, all I try to do in that instance when he’s got his hands on ears and obviously disregulated is stick close to him and hug him. Try not to make him Think he needs to change
- the person who asked
It's my spouse and it affects his relationship with his kids they feel like their the problem and look like dad wants nothing to do with them because he gets easily triggered. He doom scrolls to be away from it all but his social battery is gone because he's a table games dealer. He wants the job for the money but hates the atmosphere.
- someone who replied, again
Thanks for the context. Have you tried talking to him about it? What’s his reaction? Saying that thing about the kids feeling like he wants nothing to do with them is gods honest truth. Have you shared that because I’d be curious if he is ready to accept responsibility for his reaction causing that in them
- the person who asked
I have mentioned it and sometimes he does realize it in the moment and apologizes for it to them but it's a cycle. I think he's internally letting himself down and doesn't know how to fix it himself or can't find the motivation to change it. He probably feels stuck. He also has tinnitus so that plays into it.
- someone who replied, again
Don’t let him Off that easy. What motivates him? I’m tempted to ask you to pressure him, ask him to step up, tell him He’s letting his kids down and be honest. But sometimes ppl that will hurt them more. What does he care about and what motivates him
- the person who asked
What motivates him um that feels hard to answer. He prides himself in knowing he's right because he's more college educated than me. He loves video games and completes them and feels like he has to find a new one every time. The guy can do math and learn sports way quicker than most people I know and plays like a pro. He vapes everytime he's stressed or bored. Idk
- someone who replied, again
Sounds like he has some good qualities. And I’m sure you do too. A direct challenge will not be received well then if there is a superiority complex. Is there a way you can break up the routine? New place, activity, board game from childhood, something to spark some small joy to bring him out of that shell with the children?
- the person who asked
He tries to play games with them but if it's a video game they don't get the controller as often because he wants them to play it right because he will say how to do it 50 million times and gives up or board games gets frustrated when they play it incorrectly other than how you play the game like sword fight with pieces or doll house. I'm sure my kids are autistic or ADHD because I have brothers who are. The understanding of things takes longer.
- the person who asked
What would be something that would motivate someone like an example. My brain isn't processing that for some reason not a question people generally ask?
- someone who replied, again
Sounds more like a him Thing than a them Thing. Children will do things wrong it’s frustrating, but it’s not a reason to ever justify being angry at a child. I make that mistake all the time, and I know it’s not their fault or their issue, it’s my thing. And this is his thing and it’s ok for you to keep pushing on him to figure it out. Sometimes moms have to defend their children from the dad. It can be a healthy tension if everyone still loves
