So, I talked to a girl online, only 3 or 4 times, nothing really "relationship" wise but, somehow, I really got into her, I haven't talked to her since. I feel awful but I don't know why, I'd love to get some help
asked by someone ·
18 replies
- someone who replied
What type of relationship to her? was she providing some sense of peer support or was it romantic? And sounds like you have been looking for some new support. What’s going on in your life?
- the person who asked
Oh well, it's a long story but first of all, I want to thank you all here in Avalo because you've been really helpful and I really appreciate your help. So, having said that, you guys inspired me to help more people so, for the last month or so, I've been going to reddit and helping as many people as I can in different subreddits like mental health, therapy, etc. So, last week I was doing the same, going into the sub and replying to post
- the person who asked
I always try to reply to post that have little to no replies because if no one is helping, I will, usually, I talk to people about their problems and I do my best to give them some insight and hopefully help them, with some people I talk for some minutes and with some I talk for hours. Anyway, so, last week I find this post, as usual, I offer my help, we start to talk and the poster starts to tell me about what bothers them, after a few minutes,
- the person who asked
I tell them I'm a guy, I tell them my age, location, name, etc. Even though I do this most times, she does the same, she tells me she's a girl, she's my exact same age and, as far as we have discussed, we like a lot of the same things and, for better or for worse, we have been through pretty much the same kind of problems, so, as I said I don't really talk more than once or twice to the people I try to help but she asks me to talk againt the next
- the person who asked
Day saying that, due to the time difference (she's from the other side of the world) it would be better to talk the next day, I agree. Next time, we talk again, we spent 4 hours straight talking, we talk about a lot and, we get even closer?... I don't know why but I tell her one or two things about how I think she's really nice and I kinda imply I'm attracted to her (tbh I don't even know for sure if I am) and she doesn't sound reluctant to
- the person who asked
The idea, she even says later that she thinks I'm sweet and nice and she "doesn't deserve me" she also says that one day maybe we can go on a trip together someday in the future and more than once she asked me if I liked certain physical features about her. Also I shared a pic on myself and she told me I was handsome but I think she was just trying to be polite. We talked 3 or 4 times again but the last time she told me that it was so nice to
- the person who asked
Open up but it was also distracting because she was practicing some things related to college, I like to think "I got the hint" that she didn't want to talk anymore so I told her I will let her focus, but if she ever wanted to talk again, I'll be there, she said sometimes it takes her a long time to reply but she always does, she said she would be the one to start the conversation next, it's been a week now and she hasn't replied yer, I haven't
- the person who asked
Tried to reach out to her either. I'm just so confused, at first I was just trying to help her but then I started to feel closer to her (wich I never intended to) and I don't really know but I kinda think she did too but I've never been good at identifying feelings so maybe I'm wrong. Why do I feel this way, did she feel the same if so why would she want to stop talking? I don't understand, I really don't
- someone who replied, again
Sorry man. I wish I could tell you there is an answer but that’s classic courtship. It’s messy, complicated, and you rarely know what the other is thinking. Sounds like you blurred a very key boundary when helping others, getting romantically involved is complicated and should typically be avoided. Your heart is in the right place but it seems you got more emotionally invested then perhaps you thought you would and are dealing with her maybe not
- the person who asked
Sorry if this is too long but I had been doing find the last month or so and this really threw me off, I have to admit even if I do my best to help without getting anything in exchange, I was hoping one day I could meet someone like me, but I've talked to so many people so different to me that this is not my main goal. I just don't know, thank you so much for taking your time to read, any help will be highly aprreciated
- someone who replied, again
Reciprocating to the degree that you would like given your feelings.
- someone who replied, again
I’ve done it. And it ended poorly and it never went anywhere between us and it was awkward and uncomfortable for a while
- the person who asked
Thank you, I get that but why do I feel like this? I never meant to. Also, I'm not a professional, our conversation was more like two people sharing their problems and interests, why would she behave the way she did? Why am I making such a big deal out of this?
- someone who replied, again
Because you probably made a strong emotional connection and you are interested in more. Hard truth. She may not be as interested and it’s sort of like a break up. Or maybe she contacts you after a while and tells you something radical like she experienced a death in the family. Either way, you’ve shot your shot. It’s time to step away. If she’s interested in talking again she will.
- someone who replied, again
There is nothing to be ashamed of here. You had a strong connection. That’s a beautiful thing. And all beautiful things just come to an end. Or, she responds and it doesn’t. Either way you can be appreciative of what you shared
- the person who asked
Yeah, it's just "the will of the force" I guess. I can't thank you enough, really, you've always been here and I owe you a lot. So, should I just go on or is it healthy to stop talking to people the way I do at least for while?
- someone who replied, again
It’s up to you. In these instances I think it’s critical to listen to the voices inside our heads and hearts. If you feel ready, go ahead, if you are sensing a desire for a break, take that. You are the ultimate best source of what’s best for you and life is about continually stretching ourselves, overextending ourselves, and finding appropriate boundaries. Sounds like you just found one which can be uncomfortable but that’s what growth is
- the person who asked
Thanks a lot
