Hey, hi She just texted me to tell me we can meet tomorrow, she also told me over text that she only likes me as a friend so I guess that's it but I want to thank you for all your time, I really mean it, thanks a lot
asked by someone ·
40 replies
- the person who asked
Thanks a lot, I guess it doesn't hurt me that she rejected me, what gets me the most is the fact that nobody wants me, not as I am at least, not even my family. I'm 21 and still never had a girlfriend, even though I've tried my best many times, I guess I should just give up by now
- someone who replied
You should not give up now! What do you mean by ‘nobody wants me’? I can see how this situation with this girl could make you feel that way. But what else might be going on that is contributing to those feelings?
- the person who asked
Well, no girl has ever wanted me I have no real friends, the only people who talk to me only do that when they need help with assignments or something My uncles and cousins all hate my parents, my brother and I My mom and dad won't just accept me as I am, they never like what I do and they've been trying to make me what they want me to be my whole life so yah, I can do many things but seem like this is the one thing I can't change
- someone who replied, again
Hum. I’ve felt similar when I was in my early twenties. Can feel pretty lonely and exhausting at times. What sorts of things do people need help on their assignments with that you have an expertise in?
- the person who asked
Anything, it's always been like that, my whole life, either it is solving an equation or writing a report or getting the answers for a test, if I know how to do it and they know I do they will sometimes try and talk to me, be nice and get what they want or just skip all that and directly ask for it I only have people who "like me" when they need my help
- someone who replied, again
Sounds like you have a skill in the world which is of value! It may seem like right now it’s the only thing you got but I’m sure there are more you can build off of. Is the relationship and social life the main gap that you’d like to address or is it more about this broader sense of isolation or uselessness that you seem to feel?
- the person who asked
I think it's the social aspect, I don't mean to sound cocky or anything but I can do most things, I can learn, I can solve problems, tbh I've been able to do everything but finding someone who truly loves me as a person and doesn't only like what I can do
- someone who replied, again
Honestly it can be a numbers game sometimes. How many love interests do you feel you’ve been interested in and pursued a relationship with?
- the person who asked
I'd say this girl is the one I spent the most time with but maybe 3 or 4 interests overall
- someone who replied, again
Let’s put the feelings aside for a second because feeling down is normal after a rejection like that. Would you say that’s a high enough sample size for you to confidently make the assertion that it’s representative of all potential partners?
- someone who replied, again
Just to clarify, if you said 100, I’d say maybe let’s talk about what you are doing wrong but I don’t think that’s the case here.
- the person who asked
Well 3 or 4 is the number of girls I really, really like. The number of girls I've tried to approach should be around 20 - 30, yes, I'm a man of science and I know the results are not statistically significant, however, statistics is an approximation of reality, not a fact. It's not just the girls, it's the feeling that I have, I feel I can do/get everything I have to but I can't do/get anything I want to
- the person who asked
Liked*
- someone who replied, again
That’s ok. Keep working at it. Yes this acknowledgement doesn’t address how you feel. I know it feels hard and like you will always fail but you cannot lose hope. Keep asking yourself what you can do to change your approach and try new things. Relationships are hard and timing is everything. More often then not it’s about finding the match at the right time. The right match at the wrong time is hard and sounds like what you’ve been experiencing
- someone who replied, again
Keep at it. You only will be alone forever if you decide that’s your fate. You won’t be alone forever if you decide to do everything in your power to not be alone forever.
- the person who asked
I've been doing everything in my power for a while...
- someone who replied, again
How long?
- the person who asked
1 years at least, trying non stop, last 6 years trying on and off
- someone who replied, again
I can see how that feel like a long time. It’s ok to take a break too. Refresh, I just don’t want you to allow you to think to yourself that it will be like this forever and there is no hope for you. It’s just not true and you can do something about it. I’ve been trying to reframe my thinking lately. If I put myself in your situation, if you are looking for love and you thought you had it but got rejected it feels like failure
- someone who replied, again
But it’s not actually failure, the rejection is your reward for trying, you get to cross one off your list and move on. The rejection is a better outcome than no rejection because no rejection implies no progress. Rejection is progress. It is a reward in a sense
- the person who asked
I guess you're right, I've never gone this far before. I just don't undertand, why me?, my classmates have a couple, my 14 years cousin alredy has a girlfriend, guys who are less attractive and/or more awkward have one as well. I do try, I do everything I can but it looks like it comes down to luck, something I've never had and it just doesn't feel fair, I always try to be a good man but life is never good in return
- someone who replied, again
Dude that’s a mindset. Nip that in the bud. It’s ok to feel down, and acknowledge your power over that and decide to live on the other side. How about adding 1 word, ‘yet’ life feels like it hasn’t returned yet. I’ve felt the same way. Why me? Add 1 word to that too…why not me? Seriously, why not you? You can do it.
- the person who asked
Did things get better for you?
- someone who replied, again
Yes. I had to work hard at changing my inner narrative or inner voice. How much of your day as a percent do you spend internally beating yourself down, neutral, or positive about your self?
- the person who asked
I'd say most of the time is neutral, sometimes I feel like I'm really smart but unlucky and sometimes I try ti be what my dad calls "humble" buy people have pointrd out that it's actually a downplay
- someone who replied, again
I can see how could happen. There is humility and there is aiming low, those are very different. Aiming low prevents the feeling of rejection or fear because you cannot fall short if your standards are low. Does that sound familiar at all or like something you run into mentally?
- the person who asked
No, I think I do aim high, for instance, that girl was the most beautiful I've ever seen. It's more like I downplay my achievements, I always talk as if they were nothing, I don't always fail, but I always fail when I'm trying to do/get the things I really want
- someone who replied, again
Ah. A disconnect between allowing yourself the satisfaction of feeling good about yourself, your accomplishments. Downplaying is a good description. would it be safe to say you are downplaying the feasibility of you attracting a mate and letting it get to you becasue perhaps it’s a more safe or familiar state that you often occupy when it comes to your performance or accomplishments or outlook?
- the person who asked
Yes, I believe that could be a part of it but I can't deny facts, I've tried and I've always failed, either it's because of who I am or due to bad luck, that's a fact
- someone who replied, again
Yes and so what if that’s true?
- the person who asked
Well, it is, I do feel that way but I don't think my actions are influences by those emotions
- someone who replied, again
What do you mean by that? ‘But I don’t think my actions are influenced by those emotions’? Meaning if you have those thoughts you don’t think it matters because they don’t inhibit or influence your actions?
- the person who asked
Yes, exactly I do feel that it's almost impossible to find a mate, honestly, I wouldn't know what to do if someone says she likes me, but it doesn't stop me from trying
- someone who replied, again
I think that’s a bold statement to say that you don’t think your thoughts impact your behaviors or you operate entirely uninfluenced from your thoughts.
- the person who asked
What do you think?
- someone who replied, again
I think it’s impossible to have thoughts that don’t impact your behaviors and actions. Thoughts lead to words and actions which become behaviors and habits. If you don’t believe in yourself it impacts how you present yourself in the world even if it’s only a little. But that little is enough for people and women to pick up on
- someone who replied, again
I’m not saying you have to be 100% confident in yourself, but I do believe you have to work against that inner negative that says you won’t find love. It starts with you, if you think you are legit worthy and capable of love, you will act in a way
- the person who asked
And how do I do that?
- someone who replied, again
Don’t give up on yourself.
- the person who asked
Alright
